Exploring Identity and Self-Perception in Model/Actriz’s “Pirouette”
A Reflection on Self and Others
In E.M. Forster’s gay coming-of-age novel Maurice, the protagonist, Maurice, wanders his college campus at night, peering into the illuminated dorm windows of his peers. He grapples with the realization that others are complex beings with their own thoughts and feelings, leading him to ponder, “not such an inside as mine.” This struggle with self-identity and perception echoes in the music of Model/Actriz, particularly in the closing track “Baton” from their sophomore album, Pirouette. Here, lead vocalist Cole Haden comes to a similar epiphany, recognizing that his sister holds memories of him that differ from his own self-perception, suggesting the existence of multiple versions of himself shaped by the perceptions of others.
From Raw Emotion to Introspective Honesty
Following the critically acclaimed debut Dogsbody, Pirouette showcases Model/Actriz’s evolution as a band. The 2023 album dives deep into themes of visibility and the complexities of self-image in the pursuit of desire. Musically, it shifts from the chaotic energy of their earlier work to a more polished, icy sound reminiscent of artists like Crystal Castles and early Britney Spears. While the music retains its bite, it presents a refined facade that invites listeners to explore deeper emotional layers.
Childhood Memories and Internal Struggles
Throughout Pirouette, Haden’s lyrics reflect on childhood memories of self-censure, particularly regarding his queerness. In the track “Cinderella,” he recalls a moment from his youth when he hesitated to request a Cinderella-themed birthday party, leading to feelings of isolation and devastation. This internalized rejection continues to haunt him in adulthood, complicating his relationships and desires for intimacy. The struggle between being openly queer and fully embracing one’s self in front of others remains a central theme.
A Journey Through a Mirror Maze
The album captures Haden’s ongoing quest for authenticity as he navigates his identity. In “Departures,” he calls upon a personal pantheon to seek embodiment, longing to transform from mere reflection to tangible existence. “Diva” illustrates the disconnect he feels while socializing in European clubs, where logistical challenges symbolize deeper emotional voids. One of the song’s striking lines juxtaposes the mundane with the dramatic: “You could call me a small business owner/Living in America, while trapped in the body of an operatic diva,” highlighting the tension between commercial success and artistic integrity.
The Quest for Beauty and Acceptance
“All I want is to be beautiful,” Haden sings in “Departures,” suggesting that beauty might shield one from rejection. The desire for an idealized self-image is a universal longing, yet Haden recognizes the futility of trying to control how others perceive him. The most poignant moments of Pirouette arise when the band embraces their vulnerability. In “Poppy,” Haden’s falsetto evokes memories of his mother, while “Doves” strips back the noise, allowing him to confess, “I make a rapture out of waiting.” These instances encapsulate the raw, tender essence of self-discovery.
Conclusion
Pirouette stands as a testament to Model/Actriz’s growth as artists and as individuals navigating the complexities of identity, perception, and desire. Through their music, they reveal the often painful journey of reconciling the self with the multitude of images others hold of us. Haden’s introspective lyrics and the band’s evolving sound invite listeners to reflect on their own experiences with identity and the inherent vulnerabilities that come with being seen.
FAQs
What themes are explored in Model/Actriz’s “Pirouette”?
The album delves into themes of identity, self-perception, queerness, and the struggle for intimacy and acceptance.
How does the sound of “Pirouette” differ from Model/Actriz’s previous work?
Pirouette features a more polished and icy sound compared to the raw energy of their debut album, Dogsbody.
What is the significance of the track “Cinderella”?
The track reflects Haden’s childhood experiences with self-censure and the lingering impact of societal expectations on his self-acceptance.
How does Haden’s personal journey influence the music on “Pirouette”?
Haden’s experiences of navigating his queer identity and the complexities of how others perceive him deeply inform the lyrics and themes throughout the album.
