Now, I do know what you’re pondering: Slipknot? No longer Britney Spears or Woman Gaga or any selection of queer icons? And to that, I say: Sure. In fact. Earlier than Britney, Madonna, or Beyonce existed in my little spot within the universe…there was once Slipknot.
Rising up in Shepherdsville, Kentucky with a Southern Baptist circle of relatives all the way through the age of dial up web, I didn’t have homosexual position fashions. We weren’t even allowed to observe Will & Grace. Boys have been anticipated to shoot weapons and trip four-wheelers. I’d identified I used to be homosexual since I used to be about 5. I additionally knew it was once one thing I shouldn’t speak about as a result of, in step with my circle of relatives and my church, that factor about me was once dangerous.
The youngsters in school in Bullitt County knew I used to be homosexual, too, with out me even having to mention the rest. They known as me names. They whispered and laughed. One man named Justin even put me in a chokehold within the hallway between categories as soon as. I handed out.
After I hit puberty, issues were given truly wild. I had all of those emotions pent up inside me, and in Bullitt County they don’t precisely educate males how one can categorical their emotions. I used to be unhappy. Extremely lonely. Dissatisfied that I used to be homosexual as a result of that supposed if my circle of relatives knew, they wouldn’t love me. Livid that God knew, and on account of that, God didn’t love me. I felt stuck between being the most efficient little boy on the planet and in need of to punch holes in my bed room partitions. I had all of those emotions and nowhere to place them.
After which in 2004, I heard a track that gave me that outlet. A track that unlocked my aptitude for the dramatic. A track that just about felt like my popping out anthem, despite the fact that I wouldn’t pop out for some other 4 years.
It was once “Duality” via Slipknot.
Right here was once this man in a Leatherface-looking masks, lengthy hair greased again, screaming about the one method to forestall the pain he felt was once via pushing his hands into his eyes. The guitar riffs ate thru my angst like chainsaws thru flesh.
The emotion! The drama! The aggression! The MASKS! I listened to the track on repeat. I illegally downloaded their complete discography on Limewire and anxiously awaited the discharge in their subsequent album. I even made a chum thru my love of Slipknot! His title was once Corey, and when he stayed the evening at my area, we watched MTV2 religiously, simply in case they confirmed the tune video, the place a number of grungy individuals who seemed like us wrecked absolutely the shit out of this area the place the band hosted a live performance.
I associated with the mask they wore – the horror of them – more than likely as a result of I, too, wore a masks. I went to church. I were given excellent grades. I used to be a pacesetter within the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. However underneath all of that, I longed to caress the faces of the entire boys who threatened to overcome the shit out of me. At evening I dreamed of having railed via all the soccer workforce. After which I awoke and went to play rhythm guitar for the church worship band.
I began dressed in black T-shirts. I began dressed in the ones jelly bracelets that have been the entire rage. Studded belts. I used to be no longer dressed in properly-fitting garments or making any form of fashion-forward statements, thoughts you. However dare I say it…I used to be starting to decorate. To be aware of my clothes alternatives. My garments started to compare as a result of black suits the whole thing.
All of my spending cash went to Sizzling Matter. I dyed my hair black and I stored for what gave the look of ages so I may just purchase a Slipknot backpack from Spencer’s. I introduced my Discman to college and listened to my ripped Slipknot albums. When Vol. 3: The Subliminal Verses launched I used to be there on the Wal-Mart, ready in the dead of night with my good friend Corey for the third shift team of workers to place the CDs at the cabinets. We rode house that evening, headbanging and screaming on the most sensible of our lungs with the home windows rolled down.
In spite of discovering a fellow soul who shared my love for horror, heavy tune, and masked males in jumpsuits, I nonetheless felt on my own. I used to be nonetheless deeply closeted, no longer even prepared to mention out loud to myself that I used to be homosexual.
A humorous factor took place, regardless that. Other folks stopped making a laugh of me.
Once we graduated from highschool in 2007, Corey and I fell out of contact like loads of highschool pals do. I got here out in 2008 and, the closing time I’d heard, Corey was once courting some lady named Stephanie.
But if Slipknot introduced they have been freeing their album .5: The Grey Bankruptcy, and can be touring on a excursion with a forestall in Lexington, who did I name? Corey.
The following factor I knew, we have been using to Lexington in combination. Although six years had handed, it felt precisely the similar, home windows rolled down and growling about pushing our hands into our eyes. We thrashed our means thru that live performance, throwing again Miller Lites and sweating thru our garments.
At the means house, we reminisced about live shows of yesteryear, how our households by no means understood us, and simply how in poor health it was once within the tune video model of Evanescence’s My Immortal when the ones guitars kicked in. And in all of that, Corey grew to become to me whilst I drove us house.
“You keep in mind how I informed you I used to be courting that lady, Stephanie?” he mentioned.
“Sure,” I mentioned.
“Neatly…Stephanie was once a 40-year outdated guy named Bob that I met within the locker room of the Downtown YMCA,” he mentioned with a devilish grin.
It seems, in spite of everything that point, I wasn’t on my own. To these days, Corey and I nonetheless mosh our means thru steel displays in combination.
And whilst we like Beyonce and Woman Gaga and the entire remainder of them, we nonetheless pay homage to our endlessly queer icons: Slipknot.
